Yes, Dominic just turned 1 and has grown and changed so much in one year, but I thought I would examine my own big changes over the past year as well. Nothing makes someone’s life change as much as creating another human being! Here are 10 of the biggest changes I’ve experienced in the last 12 months (in no particular order):
- Our house: When we bought our 4 bedroom house over 2 years ago, it seemed way too big for Brian and me. We had a guestroom that didn’t have a mattress in it and a future nursery that we used as a junk room and never went in it. The other two bedrooms were our room and the office. In just a year, the house is bordering on becoming too small for our family. We never realized how much stuff (toys, diapers, furniture, etc.) come along with a baby. Our house has also changed with a child on the move living in it because now we have baby-proofed everything, putting gates up, rubber strips on the fireplace hearth and coffee table (a new coffee table by the way because we had to replace the old glass one that was very child unfriendly), and locks on cabinets to keep Dominic from opening them and getting into poisons, etc. We have to keep the bathroom and laundry room doors closed at all times to avoid having Dominic get into those rooms and causing complete destruction. Our house has certainly gone through a massive transition with the addition of Dominic to our family.
- Sleep: When I was pregnant, the thing I heard more than any other piece of advice, joke, or comment (and I received a lot of advice from a lot of people unsolicited or not) involved the idea of parenting and lack of sleep. I dreaded this idea because I was already extremely sleep-deprived while I was pregnant due to the discomfort of being required to sleep on my side (it’s physically impossible to sleep on your stomach and medically required not to sleep on your back while you’re pregnant) as well as having to wake up to go to the bathroom every hour or two. I basically was only half asleep for the last 6 months of pregnancy whenever I slept. However, once I had Dominic, I was able to get quality sleep even if it was just a couple of hours at a time. Thankfully, Dominic started sleeping well after the first couple of months, and now I actually get far more sleep than I did before Dominic was born and before I was pregnant. Considering that I used to wake up to go to school at 5:00am each morning and now I get to sleep until 8:00 or 9:00 every morning, that’s a big increase in sleep for me. The moral of the story is don’t always listen to what people tell you especially when you’re pregnant!
- My appearance: When I was pregnant, my body went through a huge transformation. A pregnancy can be very hard on a woman’s body and as a result my body will never be the same after carrying a child for 9 months and then getting that child out of my body. Since the pregnancy, I’m excited to be able to say that I have lost 48 pounds in a year. I gained 40 pounds when I was pregnant. It took me 7 months to lose that weight and be back to my “pre-pregnancy” weight. The last 7 pounds of those 40 pounds seemed almost impossible to lose but somehow I eventually did shed them (thankfully). Once Dominic started crawling and moving around, I started losing more weight and am now 8 pounds lighter than I was before I was pregnant. Apparently, chasing after a little boy is good exercise. Breastfeeding/Pumping was definitely a big help in my weight loss as well. Hopefully, I will continue to lose my “post-college” weight as Dominic begins to walk and run around. With all of this weight-gain, weight-loss, and no longer working at a professional job, my clothes have changed some as well. I love being able to wear jeans every day and that’s considered “dressy up” for a stay-at-home mom. I’m trying not to become the cliché “housewife” wearing sweats all day, but honestly it has happened a couple of times especially early on when Dominic was not allowing me to sleep more than a couple of hours at a time. It’s hard to invest in new clothes as I hope to lose more weight and also knowing that I’ll be pregnant again in the near future. Another part of my appearance that has changed is my hair. When you're pregnant apparently you don't shed hair like you normally would, so about 3 months have having Dominic my hair suddenly started shedding in large amounts. This is normal and basically it's just making up for the shedding your hair didn't do during pregnancy. Unfortunately, I was left with thin spots in my hair. This wouldn't have been too much of a problem since I have very thick hair to begin with, but this was at the front of my hairline, making it more obvious in appearance. When Dominic was around 6 months old, I finally stopped shedding/balding. Brian was happy about that since he was having to deal with hair all over our house especially in our carpeted bedroom. The problem is that now even a year after giving birth, my hair is still growing back. I've been forced to wear headbands for the last 6 months to cover up the crazy hair growing back at random lengths. That's been one of the worst things from this experience. My appearance has gone through a drastic changes over the last 20 months, but it’s been completely and totally worth it because now I have Dominic.
- Dinners Out: Before mommyhood especially while I was pregnant, Brian and I would absolutely love going out to dinner. Now that we’re living on one income though, we’ve had to limit our dinners out in an effort to save money and be healthier. Not only has our frequency of going out to dinner changed but dinners out themselves have changed. We have to choose “family friendly” restaurants aka ones that don’t get annoyed by a screaming baby. We’re actually really lucky because Dominic is usually very well-behaved in restaurants. However, multi-tasking is required. We have to obviously get a highchair, put the highchair cover on the highchair before Dominic gets in it, in order to avoid the nasty germs all over those chairs and to make it a little more comfortable for him. Then we put his table cover on the table, so he can eat off the table without worrying about germs. I quickly look at the menu to find out what I want, and then start feeding Dominic is dinner, so I can be done with that before our food comes. I don’t want to have to eat my own food and feed him at the same time. It’s a huge juggling act requiring lots of preparation and extra toys so Dominic will be occupied/distracted at all times.
- Schedule: I’ve always been a creature of habit, but what I’ve found that one of the most important things in raising a happy baby is not just having a schedule but living by it. I know as a former teacher that children really require consistency. This is true even more so for babies - as basically every parenting book will tell you. They need to know when to expect their next meals and naps in order to feel at ease. Plus their bodies are naturally programmed to be on a schedule. They are basically human clocks. It’s amazing that Dominic will start fussing at exactly the same days/times each day that correspond with his sleep and eating schedule. Having Dominic on a schedule has put Brian and me on a schedule as well. I have to take my shower before Dominic wakes up, pump and feed him at the same times every day, run my errands during his wake times at the same times each day, cook dinner at the same time each day, get work done around the house while Dominic is sleeping, and so on and so on. Everything I do is based around Dominic’s schedule. When people ask me to lunch or dinner, I have to coordinate it with when Dominic will be napping and eating. Although it’s very important, I’m also having to learn to make his schedule a little flexible because something always comes up during his naps that interferes. Not to mention that if Brian and/or I have to do something where we can’t or don’t want to take Dominic with us, then we have to secure a babysitter. Our single/non-parent friends have no idea what the importance is of the schedule and often look at us as if we’re crazy, but I know they will find out as soon as they have a baby. The schedule is one of the most important changes I’ve experienced in the last year but has allowed us to have such an incredibly happy baby.
- Discussions: There has definitely been a change in what Brian and I now discuss and feel comfortable talking about with others. How many poops a day a baby has and even the consistency is now considered “dinner table conversation” for us with our parent friends. Sometimes we forget who we are talking to and even say something about it to our non-parent friends and get a look like, “Why are you telling me this?” The day-to-day goals for a mom involve how many times a day the baby poops, so of course that is what you discuss with other moms and the baby’s father. Being at home also has taken the gossip out of my vocabulary. There’s no work gossip here because I primarily talk to other moms who are dealing with the same sh*t (literally). The lack of gossip is one of the things I miss most about teaching.
- Cooking: I’ve never been a cook and honestly never enjoyed cooking, but when I decided to stay at home with Dominic, I also took on the role of our family’s chef (along with maid, babysitter, policewoman, driver and many other roles). I would say that since Dominic started eating solids, I am slowly becoming more comfortable in the kitchen. I started pureeing his foods myself and then continued from there. My favorite kitchen tool is the slow cooker. When Dominic’s taking his first nap of the day, I can get dinner started (at noon), let it cook all day, and then easily serve it when Brian gets home at dinner time. It’s much easier than having to make everything while Dominic’s awake right before Brian gets home from work in the evening. With Dominic eating solids, I’m also much more interested in what we’re eating and trying to make healthy meals for all of us especially Dominic. Hopefully, I’ll become a better cook as time goes on now that I’m a little more comfortable in the kitchen.
- Friendships: By far, one of the biggest changes for Brian and me both in the last year is our change in friendships. I know it’s been worse for Brian as some of friends completely stopped speaking to him once we had Dominic (that’s a blog for a different day). With my friends, it’s been more gradual. We have less in common, so less to talk about and less to do together. Also, since I don’t see people as often at work or out and because I don’t live near some friends, it makes our friendships less accessible in a lot of ways. At the same time, many of our friends have truly shown what wonderful friends they are, inviting us with Dominic places, volunteering to babysit, visiting us after Dominic was born, bringing Dominic clothes and other gifts, and bringing us tons of meals when we came home from the hospital. We are truly lucky to have these amazing people in our lives. I’ve also developed some great friendships with other moms especially ones who live around here. These are people who I now consider some of my closest friends even though I've known them for less than a year. In addition to them, thanks to Facebook people I haven’t spoken to in years are now people I talk to very often because they have babies too, giving us so much to talk about. It’s baffling to realize that Brian's and my friendships with so many people have changed drastically since having Dominic.
- Interests: When I found out I was pregnant and even a little before that, I sometimes wondered if I would miss going out with my friends on weekends and that whole carefree life. But honestly since having Dominic I really haven’t missed going out because I actually would rather stay home and play with him much more than going out. Over the last year, my priorities and my interests in general have changed drastically. Sure, it was fun going out during my pre-mommy days and I like going out with the girls once in a while for a special occasion, but when I go out I usually miss Dominic a lot. When people say your priorities change when you have kids, they are completely right. It’s not out of a sense of obligation or responsibility; it’s because you actually love this person more than anything or anyone else. Before I had a baby, I partly believed when moms said this that it was more of something they felt they had to say, but to my surprise, it’s completely true. My list of interests has shrunk this years, and there’s a huge gap between my family and my other interests because my family is more important to me by a long shot. It’s truly amazing to love someone as much as you do when that person is your own child, who depends completely on you (and his dad) for every single thing he wants and needs. There is nothing better than loving that person and the love that a child feels back to you.
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